Wise Innocence

This time of year brings out something childlike in each of us—the happiness and excitement as we gather with loved ones, the generous spirit that emerges as we offer gifts in gratitude, and the quiet awe we feel as we engage in sacred or secular rituals of the season. The innocence that lives in our hearts delights in the simplest of things: colored lights on a tree, the aroma of food prepared with love, a candle lit with reverence. I have vivid memories of being young and looking out our front window at the silent night, watching wide-eyed as the heavily falling snow danced and twinkled in the light of the street lamp. It was absolutely magical and completely ordinary at the same, as all moments are when we see through the eyes of innocence.

As we grow older we often forget that this open-hearted sweetness is actually our true nature. My teacher called it organic innocence; Chӧgyam Trungpa Rinpoche named it basic goodness; Suzuki Roshi referred to it as beginner's mind. It's our natural state of being before social conditioning and the inevitable wounds of life make us believe we have to hide our tenderness in order to protect ourselves. There can be wisdom in this safeguarding, unless we maintain it unconsciously, long after the situations that warranted it have passed.

We often imagine that it's the circumstances of our lives that determine our inner experience, but I'm finding that it's actually the other way around: the lens through which I choose to view the world greatly influences how life seems to unfold. As Werner Erhard (and the Stoic philosophers) said: "There's what happens, and then there's our interpretation of what happens." If I often feel unhappy, it helps to look within to see how I'm habitually viewing my experience. Do I feel powerless? Am I blaming someone? What do I feel resentful about? There is no judgment in this process of discovery; all emotional patterns are simply messengers asking for our loving attention. When we allow ourselves to be exactly as we are, with open awareness and without condemnation, we can receive the message and the pattern can loosen and dissolve. 

Likewise, we can cultivate happiness for ourselves and others by choosing to look through the lens of wise innocence. Although human beings will always animate the full spectrum of behavior, just as a prism reflects the full spectrum of light, wisdom allows us to make discerning choices about what's best for us without closing down our hearts. For example, we can make healthy and wise boundaries while still respecting the dignity of other beings because wisdom and innocence can and do co-exist. The question becomes: What do I want to reflect and nurture in myself and others? Here are two simple things we can do to cultivate the qualities of wise innocence.

Take in the Good 

Our nervous systems are wired to be on the lookout for any threat to our survival. Neuroscientists call this our "negativity bias," and though it helps keep us alive, it also tends to work overtime and becomes an emotional habit pattern that keeps us stuck in negative interpretations. The unpleasant aspects of our experience tend to stick with us like Velcro, while the positive things slide off of us and don't register, like Teflon. To counteract this tendency and nourish your inner innocence, make it a point to focus on all the positive, loving aspects of your life. As you sit quietly and breathe in and out, allow your heart to open and receive these gifts as deeply as you can. As a result, gratitude may naturally arise, and when it does, be thankful for that too.

Acknowledge a Stranger

One of the greatest gifts we can give another human being is our attention. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives it's easy to overlook others, even our close ones but especially those who aren't part of our "tribe." When we encounter someone, the mind tends to automatically label and categorize them, emphasizing our differences. This is another ancient survival mechanism that can be extremely useful, but also has its drawbacks: it can lead us to view people as static objects—as "other," rather than the complex human beings they are. Regardless of our differences, we all want the same things: to be healthy, to be loved, to be safe, and to be seen.

One of the most fulfilling practices for me has been to make it a point to make eye contact with someone I don't know and smile at them. Research has shown that smiling makes you feel good even if you're not feeling good in the moment. It activates the brain's circuitry, prompting a cascade of feel-good hormones that lift your mood and activate the social engagement aspect of the vagus nerve. When we smile at someone we let them know that they have no cause to fear us, which immediately creates a spark of connection and a sense of well being, while it strengthens a capacity for loving kindness and compassion. This reminds us of the basic goodness of true nature that we all share. And, as you acknowledge the other’s presence with a smile, you'll get to watch their face light up.

The heightened energy of the holiday season and the transition to a new year provides many opportunities to remind ourselves of the true sweetness of life around and in us. What simple things delight the wise innocence of your heart? What fills you with joy and wonder? How does love live in you?